Go to Nineveh!!

It's word vomit time! So I have a ton of thoughts the last couple days and I think I'm starting to make sense of them, at least for now.

Warning: This could be a long post and rather pointless for the average reader (all two of them).

So last year I lived at Campus Plaza. It was a great place to live and I met a lot of amazing people but towards the end I was ready to leave. So I moved away for the summer with the hope not to move back. My friends that I've lived with the last couple years all wanted to stay there for the upcoming year. I figured I'd take the summer and figure out what I was going to do. Well the summer has come and gone way to fast and I still had no desire to go back. I had come up with some great plans that I can do with my life right now. I really want to serve a mission, and I've been talking about going to the Jerusalem Center for over a year now. I'd love to go on a humanitarian trip somewhere, or even just take a semester off and go study at BYU-H or something. So I've been thinking that now is the time in my life to do something like that.

I began praying and fasting about those options with the hope the my plan for my life was on the same path as the Lords. Well one by one each option was eliminated and I found myself a little disappointed. I have this craving for adventure and so far my answer was that I need to stay in Provo. I still persisted that I was going to go to Jerusalem in January. So last Sunday I fasted about it and the whole day I felt like the spirit was yelling at me, "GO BACK TO CAMPUS PLAZA!!" NOOOO!! This is not what I want and this is not what I planned. So I finally gave in and decided that I better go back but I wasn't going to be happy about it.

I was talking to a good friend about it the other day and he compared it to the story of Jonah and the Whale. Just like the Lord had told Jonah very specifically where he needed to be, I had been lead by the hand of the spirit to where I needed to be as well. Just like Jonah, I didn't want to go. Fortunately for me, there has been no sighting of whales in Utah recently but still I don't want to mess with that one. I have never been more certain about something before but why am I so afraid. I don't want to go back. It feels like I have a big neon flashing light above my head saying" Grace go this way -----------> " and I'm standing under it thinking, "Hmmmm I think I want to go this way <-----------------."



Why am I so hesitiant to do what I know is right? Why is it that I feel so good and at peace about this decision but I still can't get myself to be ok with it? Today I was at Campus Plaza sitting on a bench outside looking up at the third floor (where I will be living) and thinking "This is where I need to be." It feels SO good and SO right but still I can't shake my selfish desire not to go. So basically after serious prayer and well maybe a little arguing with the Lord I have decided that I will go back. So no mission for me. No going to study in the holy land. No transfering to another school. No cool humanitarian trip. I am going back to Campus Plaza ( ghettoville USA) and I will be staying there for a while. I am frustrated about it because I feel like I have nothing going for me there and I have no idea what the Lord has instore for me or why it's so important that I go back . All I have to say is it better be worth it.

Now I know that I sounds like a bitter old woman but I do want to say that despite that I'm not very happy about this, I do trust in the Lord and I know that he has a plan for me. For some reason I need to be there and I'm excited to find out. Sometimes we are so stubborn but I'm grateful for the spirit in my life to guide me to where I need to be. I am going to try to have a positive attitude about it and make the most of it. It's a new year and new experiences and I'm excited to see the blessing that will come.