Thirty Things: #2

Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears

1. Singing in front of people: I can speak in front of hundreds even thousands of people. I can walk up to strangers and talk for hours about the gospel. I can do an impromptu lesson on just about anything. I sing in the shower. I sing in the car. I am deathly terrifies of singing in front of people. It all started probably back in 7th grade when we moved to Idaho. I got to Jr. High not knowing anybody and as the first few weeks of school progressed, I discovered that all my new friends were enrolled in choir. It was also about this time that I started to become aware of the cultural side of the church. It's a total stereotype but it seriously seemed to me that if you were a member the LDS church, you were expected to be able to sing. One time I was singing and someone made a comment that I didn't have a very good voice. That made me realize that people were actually listening to me and I soon became very self conscious, to the point that I refused to sing in church for many years (6 to be exact). I got to BYU and rediscovered that every mormon can sing. What's wrong with me. I decided to face my fear and enrolled in a basic vocal skills class. I have never dreaded going to class so much. The first day of the class I sat in my doom room and cried because I was so nervous. Then I gave myself a pep talk. I did it. I passed the class. I even remember a comment someone made after my final performance. He said he could tell I was scared to death but there were times when my confidence came through and when it did, it was one of the most beautiful voices he had ever heard.  I have had many experiences where I have been forced to sing in front of people, mostly on the mission, and I do not enjoy it all. It has taken me several years but I do sing in church now. I realized that it was a form of worship for my Savior. He doesn't care how I sound. So while I have gotten over that issue, I still refuse to sing in front of people. Karaoke... No way! Musical number in church... no thanks! I'll stick with singing in the car.

2. Aliens: I know the question says legitimate fears but the idea of them seriously freaks me out. I think I saw a part of the movie Fire in the Sky when I was really little and it still freaks me out. To quote Karl Malone, " Sometimes Karl Malone look up at night sky and think, what the heck going on up there...The government needs to step up and give 110% to keeping those little green men off here earth."

Just searching for this picture probably gave me nightmares for a week

3. Falling in love/getting married and having the person decided down the road that they just don't love me anymore. For me love isn't something that you fall into or out of. It's a choice. Some people are blessed with the ability to love more fully and others struggle with it but in the end you choose to love someone. How you act upon that is also your choice. You may not agree with me on that and that's ok. I understand that romantic love has many elements to it and sometimes you really can't help how you feel.  This I understand. I am not taking about the painful unrequited love but starting a life together and planning your entire life with this person. I am a person that once I commit to something, I commit full heartedly. I have this deep fear that I will fall in love completely, get married and then years down the road, my husband will decide that for one reason or another he doesn't love me anymore. I can only control my actions and my level of commitment. I know that I would do anything to make things work but what a horrible way to spend your life, with someone who doesn't love you but feels obligated to stay with you.